John McKenzie

John Mckenzie died 26th February 2007 aged 31.He was an electrical engineer and worked for a plastics company in Gateshead. He had 2 brothers, Paul and Rob and we had 3 children Jordan 12,Megan 7 and Caitlin who would have been 9 in April. He was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease in December 2003 which was a big test of his character.
He worked hard since leaving school and qualified as an electrician. John loved getting his hands dirty and loved doing DIY around the house. He got great satisfaction from doing and building things from scratch and was devasted when he could no longer do the things he loved. He had lots of friends but when he developed MND and could no longer go to work he didn't see them as much as he would have liked to partly because he was embarrased by his condition and partly because his friends all had their own lives to lead. John should never have been embarassed by his condition because to me he was still John no matter what he looked like on the outside.
John and I faced a lot of heartache over the years, firstly by the death of our daughter in April 1998, which prior to giving birth I was in hospital for 2 months as my waters had broke at 19 weeks of pregnancy. John visited me every day after spending most of the day working and my mam helped look after our other little girl,who was 3. In 2001 I developed a condition called Vasculitis which left me ill for about 3 months before doctors diagnosed it. During this time John did everything for me with help from family members.He was spending days at work then coming to see me before going home to see the children, which we had 2 now,(jordan 6 and Megan 2).
John was then dealt the worst blow ever when diagnosed with MND(which is a muscle wasting disease with no cure at this present time). It started with twitching in his right arm and a pain in his shoulder blade which doctors thought was a trapped nerve. Some of his fingers on his right hand had also been feeling different and his legs didn't feel normal. It wasn't until people noticed his speech was sounding slurred that he plucked up the courage to go and see someone. Deep down John was scared of the outcome but never let on as he didn't want to worry anyone unecessarily, he was like that, always thinking of others. John had also had a number of falls which seemed funny at the time but looking back they were far from funny as tripping is one of the symptoms of MND. John went through a number of tests to determine his diagnosis and Christmas 2003 our fears were confirmed.(what a christmas present,other blokes were probably expecting socks or slippers,mine got a life sentence).We broke down and cried and held hands so tightly as if we were never going to let go.
Through all our hard times we stayed strong for each other and thought it was just another test of how strong our love was for each other. John went from being my big strapping muscle man that I married in October 1999 to someone that people hardly recognised. In such a short space of time he was left unable to do anything for himself and for the first 2 years I did everything for him myself. We were both stubborn and John was a very proud man. He didn't like relying on others to do things for him but I was his wife and when we married,the words"In sickness and in health till death us do part" was never a truer word spoken. We laughed, we cried, we argued like any normal couple but the things we missed the most was the intimacy that 2 people share when they are in love, like kissing, cuddling and holding hands. I mean, I could show him affection but it was hard not getting any in return and John felt like such a failure at times. The worst thing for John was losing his indepedence and not being able to provide for his family like he felt he should.
John was my life, my rock, my prince charming, he was never scared of dying only scared of leaving me and the girls behind. He never wanted to be treated differently and always maintained his dignity and sense of humour.
When john passed away, it was totally unexpected at that particular time as he hadn't really got to a point where he was having major breathing problems or anything else which would have triggered alarm bells to get him some help.He slipped away while we were in bed sleeping, on Monday the 26th Feb, which was my birthday.
John was the love of my life and every day I miss him so much but I have to be strong for our children as they need me more than ever now. It breaks my heart to think of my girls growing up without their dad but I will do my best to bring them up the way John would have wanted and to keep the memories we have of John alive for ever more.
If I have learnt anything from my life with John it is to never take for granted that loved ones will always be there and to live each day as though it is your last. Everyone gets one chance of finding that special someone and being truly in love, mine was with John and I will never forget him. Our life together was brief but what we did have was truly magical.